iNEEDsomeCOUCHtime….

 

just had a very very interesting conversation with someone very close to my heart.  where normality would usually take place..somehow “us” came up again. i dont remember if it was him or i & i wont point the finger but a lot of things came out that i had no idea were even up for discussion. i think i felt a lump in my throat and everything at least twice. since him, ive done a complete revamp of the person that i used to be but he constantly tries to pull that out of me & tonight he may have won. i felt like i had lost control of the situation & things/feelings that i never wanted him to know were still there slipped through my lips without one regret. i dont know what i want. im not sure what he wants….but something keeps bringing us to this strange place & i no longer have  a solution for when these things happen. at one point he was my everything…& i was his. now we’ve “moved on”. he has his relationship…i have  my son. i can hear it in his voice everytime we talk that hes not happy & maybe thats what caused it to come up. so maybe it was me. or at least the old me that brought up the idea of “us”.  its just a confusing situation when for years youve been tryna get over someone & every now & then they say things that question YOUR thoughts of the situation. i know im rambling but just bear with me. this is the only way ill be able to sleep tonght. maybe somewhere deep down i dont want to get over him. and i hate that.