guessWHO’Sbizzack?

 

OMfucknG! i know its been soooo long since ive posted anything but shit has gotten extremely busy in my life. lets see.. Kaylen is in daycare & attempting this potty training thing….AGAIN. work is going OK…still looking for sumn else. i could always use more $$. & i have a boyfriend. for real. crazy i know but it just happened. dont worry…were super cool. very close to sumn like best friends & we figured…hell…why not try this shit out. hes got a CRAZZZZZY ex girlfriend & i dont do drama but sumn about him. fuck that unstable bitch. anywho…what else? oh! well 2010 is almost over. ive been thinking about what the hell my resolution is gonna be. oh…PLUS…my blog will officially be 1 years old jan. 1st. yay! i appreciate the people that stop by & enjoy my foolishness. im not big time YET….but i will be sooner than later. quote me.

hmmmm. im skeptical about posting pictures of me & my boo cuz i have a crazy baby daddy & im cool on the drama ( but u already knew that ). lets see…hes 37 years old. 13 years older than me. technically my first older guy. its funny cuz he doesnt look his age at all . im pretty sure hes got pulled over for truancy or curfew once or twice. he has a mohawk for crying out loud…but its soooooo fuckn adorable!  he’s Filipino & Tongan (thats a type of pacific islander if youre not familiar). but he treats me like GOLD. its sooooo great. i love that we can just smoke sumn & really just have a conversation like best friends. he makes me feel soo frickn good. dont quote me on this but he has the extreme potential to be the ONE. Kaylen loves him. They get along so well. thats all i can really hope for. if Kaylen likes it..i LOVE it. aight enough about that.. lol

soooo im gonna get back on my shit & regularly post shit. love u guys. appreciate it that you rock with me…cuz i definitely rocks wit yall. :)

KAYLEN….

 

Kaylen is 16 months! Woohoo! We made it! No major accidents or injuries! LOL…  Being a single mom has its ups & downs…but mostly ups. Ive learned that we dont need SHIT but each other. Mommy  ♥s u Doodie!

 

iNEEDsomeCOUCHtime….

 

just had a very very interesting conversation with someone very close to my heart.  where normality would usually take place..somehow “us” came up again. i dont remember if it was him or i & i wont point the finger but a lot of things came out that i had no idea were even up for discussion. i think i felt a lump in my throat and everything at least twice. since him, ive done a complete revamp of the person that i used to be but he constantly tries to pull that out of me & tonight he may have won. i felt like i had lost control of the situation & things/feelings that i never wanted him to know were still there slipped through my lips without one regret. i dont know what i want. im not sure what he wants….but something keeps bringing us to this strange place & i no longer have  a solution for when these things happen. at one point he was my everything…& i was his. now we’ve “moved on”. he has his relationship…i have  my son. i can hear it in his voice everytime we talk that hes not happy & maybe thats what caused it to come up. so maybe it was me. or at least the old me that brought up the idea of “us”.  its just a confusing situation when for years youve been tryna get over someone & every now & then they say things that question YOUR thoughts of the situation. i know im rambling but just bear with me. this is the only way ill be able to sleep tonght. maybe somewhere deep down i dont want to get over him. and i hate that.

randomASusual.

 

im just talkn. LOL. enjoy.

ky-maniMARLEY

 

today me && my “sis” met the wonderful && talented Ky-mani Marley. he is currently on a book tour promoting his hew book, Dear Dad .

ill be the first to say that he his an amazing && nice person. he sounds great in person! i advise u all to buy the book & his albums. LOL. but anyway.. enjoy the video clip && the pictures!

…..my signed book. sweeet!

Ky-mani && me. i think we look wonderful together!

The clip is from his performance today. the song is called EVOLUTION. its from his new album EVOLUTION for a REVOLUTION. enjoy.

 

writingoutLOUD.

 

but on some real shit--

ill probably never open up to u again

probably never think ure real again

probably take it back to where it began

probably.

 

but on some real shit--

i thought u were sincere

thought u wanted to be here

thought i held some part of your heart so dear

i thought.

 

but on some trill shit--

i guess it couldnt last too long

guess ill never again listen to that song

guess i was just severely wrong

about u…

…i guess.                                                                                                    ©

clearingmyMIND.

 

so help me understand how it is that people can like you so much yet act so indifferent sometimes? its crazy because i vowed to not bother wit any niggas after the still ongoing breakup (dont ask..lmao) with the father of my child. so he slips through the cracks only to disappoint like alll the others? this dating game is a real russian roulette kinda situation. as liberated i feel about being single this shit is for the BIRDS! i dont see how you guys do it! but i guess this is the only way to truly find that person that is for you.

what constitutes a good intro to an actual relationship? i ask this because i thought i had it figured out. the chemistry, the lack of those awkward silences, the similar interests? what happens when all thats there…but its still not right? or maybe one of the parties in question is totally down for the ‘lets see what happens’ idea & the other one is as well but …falsely? dont you think they owe it to that person to keep it real? to identify the hang-ups & figure it all out before one or both people are too far gone. (that was a drake reference for @Purple_Starship. i know shes gonna read this!LOL).

i think a lot of these issues come from past relationships. either we’re both still stuck on that ex or we constantly find ourselves comparing our next…to our ex. either way its a super bad situation. in either case its probably not the best idea to pursue that relationship..let alone any for that matter. you cannot fully give your ♥ to someone when you left a piece of it with the last love. regardless of how much you BELIEVE that youre over that person maybe your ♥ hasnt completely gotten over them. and if i dont know anything else i do know that your heart & your mind RARELY agree with each other. when they do tho… hold on to that person at all costs!!

this entry was more of an ‘excuse me while i get some things off my chest’ type of entry but if it helped or you partially agreed with ANYTHING ive said then its served a double purpose.

 

[-gone-]

thiscouldBE...

 

so i was laying here attempting to go to sleep just listening to music when a drake song came on & inspired me to write this in my phone. for some reason i couldnt wait until the morning to post this. every now & then my creative side peeks out. hope u like it.

 

i swear i felt it the other day…

a spark.

a flash.

an uncontrollable tingle inside.

it HAD to be something…

but maybe its just nothing at all.

 

but then i swear i heard it in your voice…

in your smile.

in your laugh.

in the way you said my name.

it HAD to be something…

but maybe its just nothing at all.

 

And then when im up…

i come tumbling down.

thinking that im thinking too far into this.

trying to read too deep in between the lines.

this COULD be something…

but its probably just nothing…

 

…at all.                                                                              ©

bl0gging4C0OLpoints?!

 

first off let me start off by saying that I am allll about the freedom of speech. ive never been the type to silence people’s thoughts or ideas. but there is something affecting the blog community that needs to be addressed.

blogging has becoming increasingly a ‘hip & cool’ concept which means that everyday some jerk  wearing skinny jeans & a vintage shirt (that he has no memory of) who has a random thought in their mind can start a blog. they dont necessarily care about making something actually interesting & possibly informative. theyre more concerned with shock value i suppose. but an entry on loose vagina lips?! youve gotta be kidding!!!  how do u have a blog filled with entries like that!? first off who the fuck cares & secondly i dont wanna read that shit. WTF. i admit that i have random postings but id like to think that even if they dont apply to u, theyre interesting or funny. not ridiculous.

to me, those types of  blogs make the good ones feel…cheapened. if thats what people want to read then God bless the blogs that still have substance & the people who genuinely work hard on theirs.

fuck all u bloggers that blog cuz u think its cool & not because your purpose is to make people laugh & possibly have them thinking about the world around them hours after reading. blogging doesnt make u cool. being cool helps make u a great blogger. a great blogger has style, humor & a different outlook on life. things like that are in your blood. & trust me its NOT in yours.

 

[-gone-]

&iKNOW…

 

..ive been skimping on the actual, written blog entries but my life is on retard mode. im attempting to get over a relationship that has truly changed my life…some good, some bad. either way once i get this clusterfuckness in some type of order i GOT U! i wouldnt be me if i didnt. & on that note im sleep. zzZzzZz

 

[-gone-]

offmyCHEST…

 

where in the rules does it say that the things that u do…no matter how wrong they are…should be overlooked. have u ever thought about the fact that maybe im irritated that it took THIS long for u to even attempt to get ure act together?! i just dont know what u want from me anymore….

we used to be good. we used to be best friends but now here we are…going thru this. know that if ure reading this that i have never loved some1 the way i love u---but im not gonna be a hostage in this relationship anymore.

either we’re good or we’re not. u make up ure mind & let me know. until then….its whatever.